one to seven...

>> 27.11.10

...things i love to see

* a babies smile
* the sun...the sight of the bright sun is soo underrated
* pda ...i just love to see people all over ach other for some reason
* young people of different backgrounds worshipping and living for God shameless
* a clean bathroom!!!!
* people tripping and falling
* the look on people's face when they feel's a visible drop, like everything in their face goes south!


there must be piss

>> 25.11.10

if ya'll don't know by now, i am a seriously funny person. God gifted me with a wicked sense of humor and an amazing ability to tell and retell stories in a way that will have you rolling. when that gifting took place though i don't know because my mom says i wasn't always funny.


along with a wicked sense of humor i am painfully sarcastic which is beneficial to everyone around me especially those on the recieving end. i have no boundaries and will say anything that comes to my mouth, which of course always makes me the clown everywhere i go.

the girl that says random things. the most innapropriate things at the best yet inappropriate times.

i recently got a primary role in a local stage play. a comedy. where i have to be funny on stage for a total of 3 nights., i'm not 100% sure i can do this, because random, brass, story telling arm flaling funny, is horribly different from comedic timing, people staring at you expecting to piss from laughing funny. soo, yeah. i'm not 100% sure i can do this. i mean i can act in my kitchen, but on stage? o_o

as much as I know it was God that placed me in this role, as it was basically written for me to play it even before i auditioned, it is an incredibly daunting task...especially since i don't act.
i am going to have to seriously depend on him to bump up the funny.

my new the end of the three nights, there must be piss.


my week in texts

>> 22.11.10

you have been poked on facebook

cuz, tell me why my workplace has a lounge but no cafeteria?

i'm afraid her mouth may swallow me

more than had fun...i loved every moment...thanks so much u lots!

why is gabe (the white sax player) chest so hairy?

you have been poked on facebook

u wanna do dinner. get to talk a bit and too.

girl just said she doesn't have an ipod..i visibally gave her the 'WTH!' look

why do you always think the worst of me?

Absolutely! R u free? would love to hear your voice.

i love you more

*not even going to respond to that rudery*

but it's 5 days old...we just threw out yor food from the retreat and you brought new food home. youre gonna waste it again.

he's a creeper...can't blame him tho, i'm all up on his shit too

it doesn't matter what we do i'm good jus trying 2chill wit u 4a while

i just found out i got a primary role in a theater play

in general i want diamond studs for my new piercing

i really need to find a new hairdresser...this girl is walking around in her socks and there is hair and dirt all up on her white socks..gag me with a spoon!

that is hilarious. i see man liking when you sit on the toilet, i'm like 'wth is up with that?' lol

i saw the cutest indian boy...he is way underage though. too bad

if i ever...just shoot me in the street


one to seven

>> 17.11.10

....things that gross me out

*seeing mens toes in sandals
*walking into a cloud of fart
*when ugly people smile, and their smile is ugly too
*camel toe
*when i pee and wipe myself and some pee gets on my hands.
*when i walk behind, beside, or in front of a female and i smell fish.


my week in texts

>> 15.11.10

i'm glad you listen to him because you are beautiful! stunning acyually...both inside and out!

i know it sounded like i was kevin costner n i was cumming 2protect u 4a second didn't i? lol!

;).....i always got you moi

that's fine, i'll pay for's up to u. u call the shot. i told u i want to be the west guy. if i'm the west guy i will take care of u.

hey love. i know u're a tough cough but u don't always need to be. know i'm thinking about u alot. i love you xoxo

lol....yeah! you bite the fried dumpling and then you eat some ice cream from the bowl *gun shot*

dem is pregnant woman moves. lol

uh hmmm. i'm not going to be a prick. do you want to smile?

i think ur heart is broken not bc i left but bc ur not sure why i left which is reasonable but maybe one day when ur healed imma let you know.

ok. i was going to feed you. u wanna do something later or...? i'm here to make u smile.



whores and sticky notes: the kiss back

>> 11.11.10

i love that words have the ability to spark conversation. and my post 'whores and sticky notes' sparked a conversation/response from someone i love and hugely respect. renee, girl you are awesomeerr!

here is the response she dropped in my facebook inbox today and i had to post it.

Deliciously, tantalizing blog. Provoked me to write a response. Here’s what we don’t talk about, there is no excuse for whoredom. As believers, newly converted spiritualist, we’ve lost what the religious folks we’ve liberated ourselves from possess; a hard-core ethical stance. In our fear of being less “SP” (Spiritually Correct), we dare not judge, for judgment of another is a greater sin than murder, or rape, or theft right? Wrong. Judgment is a necessary evil. Judgment is needed to decipher what is right or wrong in the kingdom, it is the “sticky note” we assign to people and the manner in which we handle them that is the sin, not the identification that they may be a whore etc. etc.

With that being said, you make a valid point that not every whore (male/female) has been tickled, touched, poked or prodded DIRECTLY. What they are dealing with could very well be a generational curse. We, as human beings live by cause and effect, we don’t choose bad just because. Particularly when that bad carries so much danger, emptiness, loneliness. Living in that place, with those decisions, is a reactionary space. Even if its lonely that makes me react by choosing sex. Even if there are forces that my spiritless self doesn’t quite understand working against me, that causes me to choose reactionary sex. Owning whoredom or not makes it no less reactionary and thusly, there is a very serious root cause.

I believe people are inherently good. I don’t believe any young girl or boy unless socialized to believe differently, decides that whoredom is a good thing. Thusly, the secrecy about one’s condition comes into play. The shifting of responsibility also becomes evident. No one truly wants to own the ugly inside of them. Darkness and light cannot coincide but we try and try and try to live that duplicitous existence. Reactionary space . . .just my thoughts provoked by whores and sticky notes.

Thank you my friend for sharing your creative mind and matter. ; )


i answered

>> 9.11.10

for the past few weeks i've been asking God this question....

'God, why is it that most people come to serve you after some sort of loss, tragedy or the in the midst of pain?' because truthfully i didn't understand it. God is good, why not serve him when things are good? why go running to him when something horrible happens to you.

this question coming from my lukewarm heart. i became content in my own happiness without even realizing it. telling other people to not be happy in who or what is in their life, but to happy in God. without even seeing that was exactly where i was.

and then on tuesday, my boyfriend suddenly broke up with me.

i thought i was going to die. he was the love of my life. i loved him like i have loved no other. he was the good in my life. he was my happiness. he was the reason i smiled. he was my bliss. i thought our love would be the one that lasted forever, never getting tired to repeat the story of how we met. and he broker my heart no warning. nothing. over email. i read it at work. i thought i was going to die.

i lost all will to eat, i couldn't sleep. i cried for the whole week. made the most mistakes at work. had to take bathroom breaks every hour to go into the stall and bawl. the whole time asking God 'why?' 'why did you allow this to happen to me? he was my happiness'

and God spoke to my heart and my spirit at a young adult retreat i decided to attend last minute, because i didn't want to be cooped up in my room dealing with my pain alone.

'I am your happiness'
'I am your bliss'
'he will not love you forever, but i will'

and the process of healing began. and i understood. knowing and reciting God is good is different from knowing God as your healer, the one that loves you soo intensely with a love that doesn't relent. knowing him as the one who wakes you up is different from knowing him as the one that literally keeps you together. when you go through an experience that reveals God on a different level in your life, the relationship becomes that much stronger, that much more intense and that much more real.

yeah, my boyfriend broke up with me. so what. right? *shrugs*

through this experience i have truly felt the forever love of God like never before. i loved sweet thing with an intense love that happens once in a lifetime, and God had to take that away for me to see Him as the intense love that lasts a lifetime. we often say it, but don't understand it. God is jealous for us. not of us. for us. and when we as christians place possessions or people on the same level or above God, His intense love yearns for us even more and doesn't relent. and that was where sweet thing was 'he was my bliss. my happiness'

(many more experiences and lessons have come from this and i will be sharing.)
i have also learned to be careful what i ask, even in simple questioning, because the understanding comes at price.

this is the song that really began the healing process this weekend. i have always loved this song. but know i can say i truly know and understand this song.


one to seven...

>> 7.11.10

...random truths about moi (because i know you want to know)

* when said enough times the words 'a' and 'the' begin to make no sense to me
* i am mildly afraid of the dark
* i write worship songs that are sung by the worship team i lead
* i love to smell babies feet...only the ones that walk though
* Lord of the Rings is one of my favorite movies. of all time.
* i was told by a co-worker i should write erotic novels.
* 7 is my favorite number.


whores and sticky notes

>> 1.11.10

so, i'm fresh from watching tyler perry's 'for coloured girls'. i will not make mention of my reaction as this is not what this post is about, but i will share my thoughts on one aspect of the movie.

tanzi. a character in the movie played by thandie newton. and she played a very good whore too, very convincing, but as i was watching the movie and her character's straight, curved, narrow, long, short and stumpy path to destruction, i had an 'uhmmm moment'.

here goes....

tanzi, like many women was a whore because her father touched her. sexually molested her. so to fill her emptiness and her longing for love, to feel love which escalated into the need to feel desired, she filled her soul with meaningless sex. and i get that. sadly that happens too often. as i briefly shared before, i too was sexually touched repeatedly by a family member which caused me to now have to battle my own demons, namely being bisexuality. so i get it.

but about what the women who are whores because they want to be? no daddy fingers, no touchy babysitters, nothing like that, good home, good family, good upbringing, but they themselves have loose morals, no sense of consequence, and a MASSIVE love for sex. they choose to be in the company of dick, dick, and dick. choice by choice.
it seems like it's so easy to slap a label on everything these days...'you are, because of'...'you do, because this was done'...'it's not your fault'. and like i said, i get that. but i also get people being accountable for their actions, and choices. i get women being bold enough, and grown enough to own up to who they are without feeling compelled to be covered by a sticky note. a label.

for those suffering because of the actions and crappy decisions of others. i'm sorry, and i know there is healing. i am reaching out to God for mine.

for those looking to be covered by a sticky note so they don't have to face themselves in the mirror, and come in genuine contact with who they have chosen to be. grow up. there is no beauty and no confidence in denial. i'm not saying being a whore is right. but if you are by your decision, you should be confident enough in your decision to own up to it. people that have nothing to hide, do not hide behind meaningless labels.

said by me...
when someone abuses the privilage of being in your life...take the privilage away.

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