another 'ahem' begger

>> 19.2.11

i really can't with men begging for sex. asking is one thing, because we all have the right to ask for what we want even if we don't get it, but when asking turns into 'please...please...please....please.....please....please'


back when i was the kisser (over a year ago! mahn how time flies) i wrote about an 'ahem' begger. who would call me all the time, and by call i mean text too, asking me to sleep with him. omg...he would not let up, it became sooo unnattractive, like son! you have lost any form of points you had.

well, the 'ahem' begger has reincarnated. not only does dude beg for sex but also for any other kind of sexual stimulation. like, i know you want to be all up in me, but damn! no is no. persistence is one thing when you are trying to woo a girl, she turns you down and you try again, some can say that it's attractive. but when it comes to a girl giving her body, or pieces of to you, when she says no, she means no. and if she does end up giving it to you it's not because she sincerely wants to, it's to shut your begging arse up *exclamation point*

so, don't go asking her 'did you enjoy that' because even though her lips may say yes to spare your ego, her eyes will shoot 'no!' right at your's.

i really can't with the 'ahem' beggers.


haha, found you

>> 18.2.11

i've found my insecurites again.
not being good enough. not being pretty enough. christian enough. tall enough. polished enough. not smart enough. damn i can go on and on.

not being worth it.

i don't know why. no, i do know why. i've always been insecure, but i've learned to fake my courageous amazingness. i want to say that other's have contributed to my loud mutedness, but i don't know if that is entirely true. but deep down i know it is because no one is born with a feeling of impending worthlessness. every one is born with the ability to just BE who they are. and love that person. and i don't think i love who i am.

i'm the queen of 'fake it til you make it'. but now i'm tired and only want to hibernate til life is over.

damn. i have a lot of issues.


one to seven...

>> 17.2.11

...of my weird habits

* smelling my food before i eat it
* check for my car keys a million times a day to make sure i didn't lock them in my car
* looking at my work after a number 2
* holding my breathe before i enter a bathroom
* hot showers even in extremely hot weather
* smelling toddlers feet
* holding full conversations with myself. in public.


my, how time flies

>> 13.2.11

wow! where has the time gone, i think about you all the time, but i guess that's good enough because i don't write...i've been maddeningly busy, but i guess that's not good enough too.

i'm sorry.

well, to make up here is my life rundown...(i hope this is ok)

1. 'my date with bozo' opening night was a huge success. i have come so far from the stuttering nervous 'i'm not an actress' to 'i can see myself doing it on a reg'. i love it. my love for the stage has been heightened, i love it. adore it. the crowd loved the show, they laughed, awwed and were sincerely delighted at the happy ending. it was great. smooth (my highschool sweetheart) was also in the audience with his brother and brother's girlfriend, and they loved it, but he wasn't happy about my on-stage love though. he was very jealous, it was cute. 2 more shows and then it will be over. and that makes me sad.

2. i've been seeing this guy for a few months now, and things are ok, but not great. we use to spend sooo much time together, and now we barely see each other. somethings happened that strained the relationship, the main one being i don't want to be in a's too soon. and that seems to frustrate him. i don't know how long this will last, i like him..but....*shrugs*

3. i've basically stopped swearing. *applauding myself*, once in a while i am tempted to drop a bomb, but God keeps my mouth together. when i was with sweetthing, my mouth became soo foul, granted it was always foul, since my 2nd year of university, but being with him caused it to be downright disgusting, and now that's he's gone, it's diminished, greatly. and for this i'm thankful, bcause a woman with a foul mouth is very unattractive and very un-Christ like.

4. i dyed my hair blonde. i'm still waiting for the 'more fun part though'. but i love it, it has brightened up my face and really enhanced my confidence (as if i need more confidence). my parents hate it and secretly i love that too. lol

5. i 'came out' to my mother. that is a story for another day.

said by me...
when someone abuses the privilage of being in your life...take the privilage away.

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