first rehearsal: that's all folks.

sooo, rememeber how i was freaking out about this play i joined?
terrifed of not being funny enough?
pfff...oh please.

last night was our first rehearsal/read through, and my nerves completely got the best of me. and i officially freaked out. i talk about it not so often, but many of you know that i have a speech impediment, basically i stutter. and i hate it with all the life within me.

last night, tired, well exhausted really...hungery, frustrated, emotionally drained (and stimulated), and nervous, i was a prime candidate for 'make a fool of myself' day. minute. with all eyes staring at me, mouth open to read my line i blank. the words just would not come out. i'm sure my face was as red as ever, it felt like it was melting off my skeleton that's for damn sure..sigh. i was sooo embarrased. but it's happened to me many times before and so i should be use to it by now, but i'm not. and i probably never will be.

i had to pray. and hard. "God, please calm my nerves and help me to not look like an imcompetent idiot as i' sure everyone is thinking right now'..'she's pretty, but probably highly stupid'

i slighty recovered from death by embarassment and stumbled my way throught it.
and the worst thing was the director came and asked me 'do you stutter?'
OMG...kill me right now!!!! before or after the dunce hat is delicately placed on my head..PLEASE!

i realized last night, how weak i am when i am thrust out into the open on my own.
O_O <---deer in headlights. aka. me.

sigh...updates to follow.